I push the sound deep into my ears
Like a little kid pushing his fingers into those strangely shaped holes, to keep out the noise
A bang, or a shout, or a clash
And I push it inside to force out all the things welling up in me that I can’t stop from flooding my senses
I try to control the things I can’t contain
String them up in a perfectly neat box
But it won’t hold
So I turn the volume higher
And graciously the sound starts to hollow me out
And, simultaneously, fill me up
I feel the notes through the base of my spine, up to the lines of my clenched jaw
And listen to the same series of notes over and over until they become a part of my bones
Weaving themselves through my muscles, like shoe laces,
Pulling me in closer
Until I’m cinched in tightly around myself,
The sound like marionette strings
My repetitive movements like my body’s prayer
Until all I can do is let go.
And the wave inside me loosens the strength of its tide.
And the surge dulls.
And I’m left just with the sound.